I have a confession to make

I have a confession to make.
I put my trust in God’s gifts more than in God himself.

These gifts are things like my friends, family, comfort (nice house, surroundings, clothing), my achievements and sense of self-worth and my physical appearance.

So one by one these things have been proving less than trustworthy or fleeting, here today and gone tomorrow. And little by little I find the joy that I thought was God-given fading away, my smiles replaced by frowns and my supposed care-free nature giving way to worries about tomorrow.
And Jesus tells me to trust in him alone, not anything else. These things compete so much with him for my time and attention. Often they win, and he loses. Ah, wretched girl that I am!

So, how do I love God without reservation? How does a girl find joy in Christ alone, and not in her circumstances?

David has a bad time in Psalm 130 and writes:

Help, God—the bottom has fallen out of my life!
Master, hear my cry for help!
Listen hard! Open your ears!
Listen to my cries for mercy.

If you, God, kept records on wrongdoings,
who would stand a chance?
As it turns out, forgiveness is your habit,
and that's why you're worshiped.

I pray to God—my life a prayer—
and wait for what he'll say and do.
My life's on the line before God, my Lord,
waiting and watching till morning,
waiting and watching till morning.

O Israel, wait and watch for God—
with God's arrival comes love,
with God's arrival comes generous redemption.
No doubt about it—he'll redeem Israel,
buy back Israel from captivity to sin.

Firstly, remember the gospel. Forgiveness is God’s habit. Wow. God says if we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us (1 John 1:9). For a child of God everyday is a new day because we’re forgiven (Lamentations 3:22-23). No human is that forgiving. Our circumstances aren’t that forgiving. But God is that forgiving, more than we can even dream.

Secondly, wait and watch. Because God will work in your life. In a way that you can only look and say “That’s God”. This is the hard bit. It’s (relatively) easy to believe in God’s forgiveness. But it’s hard to believe that God will come through for you, even though it feels so completely hopeless. This God redeemed Israel indeed – buying her back from captivity through the blood of Jesus Christ. His redemption was better than any redemption those guys could have thought up. So should I wait on the Lord to deliver me from my struggles.

I’m sure this train of thought is to be continued soon.