In this specific instance while I'm feeling Christmassy...

Wishing all people peace on earth...
peace in your heart....
peace...peace...peace...

through Jesus Christ!

Have a good 'un!

Christmas thoughts

Have I mentioned my awesome church recently?

Praise God, it's great. I'm well settled into MPCC, making friends. It's been nearly 6 months I've been there - wow! Lade came to the Christmas Carols service yesterday. That was great, everybody welcomed him so well.

Now I've been to many carol sevices (at least two a year in my young life) and sung the same songs (mostly worried about how I'd hit the high notes in them, dang why do they pitch the songs so high?!) but this year's one service was different.

Christmas has kinda snuck up on me - because life has been so busy - and though I've heard so much Christmas music (I had a week in New York with all the Christmas trimmings!) my Christmas feeling this year is very different to that of previous years.

I'm excited still cos I love presents, and giving gifts - but I think I'm more ponderous this year. The words in the carol service meant so much more this year (possibly cos I stopped straining my voice) because Jesus is closer to me, more treasured by me I should say. He was always really really close.

A song we sang at the end of the service yesterday: not Christmassy at all but so much truth for all Christians. Jesus is coming back dudes, and building His kingdom now! Amazing!

Rejoice! Rejoice!
Christ is in you,
The hope of glory
in our hearts.
He lives! He lives!
His breath is in you,
Arise a mighty army,
we arise.

Now is the time for us
to march upon the land,
Into our hands He will
give the ground we claim.
He rides in majesty to
lead us into victory,
The world shall see
that Christ is Lord!

God is at work in us
His purpose to perform,
Building a kingdom of
power not of words,
Where things impossible by
faith shall be made possible
Let's give the glory to Him now.

Though we are weak,
His grace is everything we need;
We're made of clay but
this treasure is within.
He turns our weaknesses
into His opportunities
So that the glory goes to Him.

More chat

Today has been very quiet at work. So I feel I can blog.

A few thoughts I've had recently:

• To stay faithful to God, and to kill the desires of the flesh is one of the most difficult things for me. If God is my husband, my first love, and my peace what kind of wife am I?
• Do I prefer life on my own or with others?
• I'm beginning to understand 21st century consumerism in the Western world. it's like a soft cushion. "Spend a little more. Pamper yourself a little more." No wonder we're all fat.
  

None of these thoughts are related. I just thought them. As thoughts generally happen. Randomly.

A bible verse: "If anyone is in Christ he is a new creation. The old is gone, a new man has come." 2 Corinthians 5:17. Woop!

Too busy not to blog

I've been well busy. Working regular hours really does take it out of you.

Too busy not to blog.
I wish I was too busy not to pray.

How do adults do it?

Please pray that I pray. if you know what I mean.

What have I learned?

It's been a totally crazy time since I finished Relay. Real Life is one big challenge, and my first 5 months in it has brought its many obstacles, smiles, new faces (with the job I've been doing, I've seen hundreds), hopes, prayers, tears.

Resolution has come, with a new job starting Monday, and maybe, just maybe I'll be able to settle into a routine that means I journey daily to one place, interact with about the same people every day, and form a semblance of normalcy in my young life. Who knows?

Well, practically on the eve of this momentous occasion, I want to remember to take stock, and think - what have I learned in the past few months since Relay has finished - about myself, about my relationship with God?

1. God is always on my side. What I mean is that God does all things in my life to grow me, to glorify Himself and to teach me. So an unexpected job rejection is glorifying to Himself in that it means that I don't rely on the job, I learn to find my hope completely in Him.


2. I need to communicate with God more. Hands up who feels close to God all the time. I certainly don't. So when trials/worries come, I tend to take them one board like I'm the only one who has them to deal with instead of praying like I'm reminded to in 1 Peter 5:7. Because I have a God who not only can but will look after me I shouldn't worry. I should pray!


3. As little as I like to admit it, I'm a typical girl. I'm no different to other girls. I like similar things (clothes, good food, the odd magazine). I get self-conscious about my thighs. Some days I feel ugly. Some days I feel lonely. Some days I feel single. This is a good thing because it keeps me humble. It makes me realise that I'm not the only person in the world that's going through what I'm going through, and that I'm not the centre of the universe, Jesus is. I recommend Louis Giglio's "Indescribable" and "How great is our God" tour DVDs (to be viewed in that order) to remind you of just Who is in charge when you feel prideful self-pity, or just plain old ugly pride in yourself.


4. Jesus is really the most beautiful. The Psalms point to God's majesty and splendour, and how great His love is for me. I need to learn to fix my eyes on God, so I don't weep for sheer despair when things collapse in on me. God is beautiful. God is beautiful. That should be my mantra.


5. I have to learn to fear sin more than suffering. The consequences of my sin have far worse repercussions than that of my suffering. I currently fear suffering way more than sin.

I think that's all...but that doesn't mean I won't have to keep learning all those lessons again, particularly the last two points. Thank you Lord for your patience with me. Help me grow, and not to keep crawling like a baby Christian when I should be running, sprinting for the fnish line.

Thoughts on the Obama hype.

I was emotional on the morning of 5th November this year. I was thankful that a man who classed himself as African-American would lead the largest economy in the world, a powerful force in world politics. But I also had reservations. I wondered if I would have voted for the new President-elect if I were an American citizen.

This post here by Eric C Raymond helps me make up my mind.

A snippet

"If a person would allow himself to be pigeonholed into becoming a person of a nationalistic or ethno-centric thought out of the fear of being viewed as an Oreo or Uncle Tom, then Reformed Theology is not for that person. But neither is the Gospel, for the Gospel calls each of us to stand against an ethnic-centered philosophy of one's own race, for such a philosophy is naturally conformed to this present world and is in need of redemption. If you cannot stand against your own culture where it does not square with the Scriptures, you are the one who is ashamed of Christ, and such shame has nothing to with philosophical or ontological Blackness; it only has to do with your view of the majesty of the God who calls you to deny yourself in order to follow Christ. "

("Sovereign in a Sweet Home, Schooling, and Solace," in Glory Road: Our Journey Into Reformed Christianity, ed. Anthony Carter [Wheaton, IL: Crossway, Wheaton, forthcoming])

The Battle within

I have a difficult daily fight inside me. Pride struggles to take hold of my life. Gah.

My soul says, "I don't deserve this".
The Lord who created me says, "Humble yourself before me and I will lift you up" (James 4:10).

My soul says, "I don't need to pray today - I'm alright".
The Spirit of God says, "Trust in me with all your heart. DO NOT lean on your own understanding. In everything you do, place yourself in my hands for guidance, and I will make your path straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6).

My soul says, "People suck a lot".
The Lord who loves the world says, "I did not come into the world to condemn the world, but through my death to save the world" (John 3:17).

My soul says, "She deserves a slap for disrespecting me."
The Holy Spirit says, "You are blessed if you experience rejection for my sake, because you'll be a winner when my kingdom comes" (Matthew 5:3,10).

My soul says, "This is beneath me".
The Lord God says, "Do not think of yourself more highly than you should" (Romans 12:2-4).

My soul says, "Why me?!"
The God who loves me says, "Do not be afraid, Layo. I am with you. I have called you by name. You are mine" (Isaiah 43:1)

NEWs

I got a new job.

It's really not what I envisaged I'd be spending my time doing; more a last resort as pending expenses loom large and funds run really low. I've also had a really rubbishy time jobhunting, with real disappointments that I've been told were owing to the current financial situation. So you'll understand my feeling that it's back to square one, to roles that I feel slightly overqualified for. Can I hear somebody say "Aww?!"

I have to praise God though. Even though I've found it so hard to in the past few days. He has been extra gracious in giving me at least something to fill my time and pay my way to a good extent for a while. By his grace, He's also given me team leader who is a Christian, and a Nigerian. I wrote a post not too long ago asking people to pray for more black fundamentalists, and wow, I believe I may have met one in my team leader. It is a rare thing just to find a Christian in a group, but to find someone who seems to really know what it means to hold fast to Christ alone - that's encouraging. Thank God. I look forward to seeing how this works out in the hectic nature of the job. There is always something to thank God for, as I was reminded today, because He is forever gracious.

So, there are so many bible verses that should comfort me in this time - "consider it pure joy, fridns when you go through all kinds of trials, because the testing of your faith produces perseverance, perseverances (produces) character, and character hope". That's from James 1.

Facebook

It's really cool.
But it's really unhelpful too.
Allows you to keep in touch with friends. Kinda. well, more like nose into the lives of people you hardly keep in touch with.
Makes you self-obsessive.
Is a bloody time-waster.
Also a good way to pass the time.
I fear it does more harm than good though. Particularly to me.
It's scary deciding to leave Facebook. I had a bit of cold turkey a few months ago. Was strange but liberating. I really need to curb the amount of time I spend on these websites. Especially as I'm in a pretty vulnerable situation at the moment.

I wonder if they'll add "facebook" to the Oxford English Dictionary. I bet they will soon enough.

Psalm 46

I love the Psalms. They're honest, reassuring and so true to God's character. After reading Psalm 46 recently, I thought I'd paste it on here, and add my thoughts.

1-3

God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need him.

We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom,

courageous in seastorm and earthquake,

Before the rush and roar of oceans,

the tremors that shift mountains.

Jacob-wrestling God fights for us,

God-of-Angel-Armies protects us.

So reassuring to hear that God is our 'safe place'. He is after all God. As a result, we can have no fear when really difficult times come. Life is terrifying at times. But look, the God of the Angel-Armies, the God who is supernatural, who has sovereign control over those disasters listed above fights for us! What an amazing assurance.

4-6

River fountains splash joy, cooling God's city,

this sacred haunt of the Most High.

God lives here, the streets are safe,

God at your service from crack of dawn.

Godless nations rant and rave, kings and kingdoms threaten,

but Earth does anything he says.

7

Jacob-wrestling God fights for us,

God-of-Angel-Armies protects us.

Looking into the home of God, it's pretty clear that the prevailing tempo of atmosphere here is peace. God is like the police of this city; even though there are lots of instabilities around, lots of ranting and raving and threatening, God is still wonderfully in control. The earth obeys his words, so natural disasters like the ones described in verses 1-3 pale into comparison to his power. Verse 7 again reassures us that God fights for us and protects us. All are welcomed into this place of safety by placing their trust in Christ Jesus.

8-10

Attention, all! See the marvels of God!

He plants flowers and trees all over the earth,

Bans war from pole to pole,

breaks all the weapons across his knee.

"Step out of the traffic! Take a long,

loving look at me, your High God,

above politics, above everything."

11

Jacob-wrestling God fights for us,

God-of-Angel-Armies protects us.

The world is called to open their eyes and see God's greatness in his works. The Master Gardener (haha, is that irreverent?) is also the Great Peacemaker. I wonder if this is a glimpse of the new creation he has planned for his people, a world that is perfect in its creative beauty and peaceful - the world as it should be.

People are then called to "step out of the traffic" and learn to dialogue with God, to learn to know him, above all the things that vie for our time.

Such good news to hear again that God is our fighter, our hero and our protector.

I think I'll do Isaiah 58 next.

More black fundamentalists please.

I need to blog this even though I'm not sure it's wise. But where are the black fundamentalist preachers? Where are the role models who are willing to point to the cross of Christ, leading people to a saving grace in Christ alone, forsaking all? People who are living purely for heaven, and not seeking wealth or a large following? People committed, like in 1st Timothy, to preaching the gospel when they are loved and when they are hated? Maybe it's just me, but I'd really like to hear of the ministry of someone willing to give up their lives for Christ. Someone who is leading a black majority church (there are many where I live, hence the relevance) with humility, and 100% allegiance to Christ.

I'm sure there are many black fathers doing so, but sometimes it is so heartbreaking to see that there is so little by way of role modelling for my brothers to follow. Whilst people like to think that the colour of someone's skin doesn't make a difference, I know from experience that it does. Heaven will be a multicultural place, but there need to be more workers sent out into the field. So, if you read this, pray for my generation. Pray for young black male leaders, who choose not to be defined just by the colour of their skin, but by their allegiance to Christ. Pray for people who choose not just to talk, but to live out the gospel, difficult as that may be. For His glory, and the salvation of many.

Verses! (From The Message)

Romans 5:3-5

There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise* even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!

Romans 8:31-39

So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:

They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.
We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

* I added all the italics and emphasis(es) :-)

Waiting...

It’s a part of Christian life. This is following on from my last post, about knowing/finding joy in Christ alone.

I often forget that waiting is a big part of this walk. Primarily we wait on God for our salvation to be revealed on that day when Christ returns. That’s where our hope is built. We also wait for him to provide what we need whilst we wait for him to return. These are things like our daily needs; food, shelter, good relationships etc. The book of James reminds us that “all good gifts around us are sent from heaven above”. So while we wait for people to get back to us, or for circumstances to change, our hope should not be in these things happening, but in God in whom we live, move and have our being!

My Bible reading this morning was from Psalm 27. The writer used the first verse to give three reasons why we should trust God while we wait. This is because of his character.

1 The LORD is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?

Firstly, He is our light. His light is what removes our fear of others, or of the darkness around. Our hope is in a God who will not disappoint. Therefore it’s so important to let the light of God’s character illuminate our lives!

Secondly, He is our salvation. We need to trust that He knows what He’s doing, so even when it seems nothing is happening to our situation, His resurrection power gives us the strength to respond with real joy during the storm.

Thirdly, He is our stronghold. When we go experience ridicule, prejudice and abuse because of our trust in Him, He upholds us and protects us whilst we wait on him.

I have a confession to make

I have a confession to make.
I put my trust in God’s gifts more than in God himself.

These gifts are things like my friends, family, comfort (nice house, surroundings, clothing), my achievements and sense of self-worth and my physical appearance.

So one by one these things have been proving less than trustworthy or fleeting, here today and gone tomorrow. And little by little I find the joy that I thought was God-given fading away, my smiles replaced by frowns and my supposed care-free nature giving way to worries about tomorrow.
And Jesus tells me to trust in him alone, not anything else. These things compete so much with him for my time and attention. Often they win, and he loses. Ah, wretched girl that I am!

So, how do I love God without reservation? How does a girl find joy in Christ alone, and not in her circumstances?

David has a bad time in Psalm 130 and writes:

Help, God—the bottom has fallen out of my life!
Master, hear my cry for help!
Listen hard! Open your ears!
Listen to my cries for mercy.

If you, God, kept records on wrongdoings,
who would stand a chance?
As it turns out, forgiveness is your habit,
and that's why you're worshiped.

I pray to God—my life a prayer—
and wait for what he'll say and do.
My life's on the line before God, my Lord,
waiting and watching till morning,
waiting and watching till morning.

O Israel, wait and watch for God—
with God's arrival comes love,
with God's arrival comes generous redemption.
No doubt about it—he'll redeem Israel,
buy back Israel from captivity to sin.

Firstly, remember the gospel. Forgiveness is God’s habit. Wow. God says if we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us (1 John 1:9). For a child of God everyday is a new day because we’re forgiven (Lamentations 3:22-23). No human is that forgiving. Our circumstances aren’t that forgiving. But God is that forgiving, more than we can even dream.

Secondly, wait and watch. Because God will work in your life. In a way that you can only look and say “That’s God”. This is the hard bit. It’s (relatively) easy to believe in God’s forgiveness. But it’s hard to believe that God will come through for you, even though it feels so completely hopeless. This God redeemed Israel indeed – buying her back from captivity through the blood of Jesus Christ. His redemption was better than any redemption those guys could have thought up. So should I wait on the Lord to deliver me from my struggles.

I’m sure this train of thought is to be continued soon.

Beautiful challenging words

Am currently reading through the New Testament in The Message version. I recommend it thoroughly. But words that spoke loads to me recently can be found in Luke 6:46-49.

Jesus is teaching on what it means to live a godly life, a life led by the Holy Spirit, counter-cultural. That’s from verse 24-42. Then he hits you/me with this bigger challenge in verses 46-49.

"Why are you so polite with me, always saying 'Yes, sir,' and 'That's right, sir,' but never doing a thing I tell you? These words I speak to you are not mere additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundation words, words to build a life on.
"If you work the words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who dug deep and laid the foundation of his house on bedrock. When the river burst its banks and crashed against the house, nothing could shake it; it was built to last. But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don't work them into your life, you are like a dumb carpenter who built a house but skipped the foundation. When the swollen river came crashing in, it collapsed like a house of cards. It was a total loss."

My blog is called “My hope is Found (on solid ground)”. This is what it means to truly be planted securely in Jesus Christ, to live 100% for him. I’m big on talking about Jesus, I can sit in a bible study for hours, just chatting away about how great God is. But when it comes to obey his words, placing my entire trust in him, I stumble. Often pretty badly. What a challenge!

Things to do…

If, like me you’re still playing the waiting game here are some suggestions of things to do!

Read the book of Romans in an afternoon – crazy amazing hefty shizzle in there!

Go to http://www.mapmyrun.co.uk/ – and work out new routes to run around your current town or city. Okay so it’s getting cold. But all that sitting on your ass is making you FAT, c’mon!

Go somewhere you’ve never been before. Like IKEA. Or Wickes.

Take up a new (yummy) fairly inexpensive hobby. Like baking. Only problem is that you’ll have to run to work off that ass you’ve gained.

Join a cell group in your church. Gives a good insight on what the church is actually like.
Also a good idea to check out different cells to find one that suits you.

Learn hygiene. Clean the house.
.
If you’re on Facebook go to your account settings and click on the Languages tab. Then change the language to English (Pirate). Hours of fun will ensue.

Make up lists of things to do to ward off boredom!

Your best life: now or later?

My best life isn’t now. It isn’t whilst I’m alive today. Or tomorrow. Or even when I start earning my millions(!) Because I have trusted in Jesus Christ it is when I get to heaven.

Because Jesus died for my sins on the cross – yes 2000 years ago – I am now clean in God’s eyes. Perfect. Absolutely spotless. All the things I ever did wrong have been cancelled. He’s preparing a lovely place for me in heaven, where nothing bad ever will happen. Where children will never starve; people won’t commit murder or adultery, and make other people cry. If there are tears in heaven, they’ll be tears of joy.

Unimaginable. But the most welcome hope.

If that isn’t the best news you’ve heard in a while, well. I dunno what to say to you.

Tuuune!

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

Refrain

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

Refrain

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

Refrain

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

Refrain

I’m having a slightly difficult time at the moment. Loads of doubts creeping into my mind about what I’m good at or not, and this song is helpful.

My current prayer and my current reminder

"May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in your sight, Oh Lord, my Rock and my redeemer" - Psalm 19:14

"Give yourself to the Lord, trust in Him and He will help you. Be patient and wait for the Lord to act" - Psalm 37:5,7

Anchors in the storm

Have been reading a little booklet called Anchors in the storm by Joe Stowell, living legend. For something so small there’s so much to think about inside it. It’s basically about trials and why God allows them in our lives. I really still need to think a lot more about all the principles he outlined, but I think I should write down a few of these, to help me in the process.

When we suffer, as Christians we need to remember the truths that hold us steady, divorcing in a way our minds from our emotions. There are truths in God’s word that are…well…true despite the difficulty of the situation we’re going through. Just one snippet is the lush verse below.

Very basically 1 Corinthians 10:13 has three truths within it:

"No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face." The commonality of our struggles. Whatever I am going through I am not the first or the last to go through it. I can help other people having been through similar problems, and in the body of Christ (the church) can find people who can help me.

"All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit;" The bearability of our struggles. God understands our ‘load limit’, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. I have seen this worked out personally; it’s pretty cool.

"he'll always be there to help you come through it." God has supernatural options for getting us out of our place of despair, He can, and will provide ways of helping us out of it.

There is so much more.

God’s power is highlighted very succinctly, and how it is real and can help us. There’s also stuff about the absolute necessity to cling to his Word and his promises because they actually never fail. Then He talks about how there is a purpose in our pain, God’s glory and our growth. The importance of prayer is talked about too – and how even when we kneel there with no words to express our pain the Holy Spirit prays for us! Ultimately God wants to bring good out of our pain. What? How does that work? Like surgery on cancer, a cast on broken bones. I find myself complaining so much when I can’t handle a situation, but God just wants us to grow into the likeness of Christ. Hard stuff. But good stuff.

Ah. Like I said, the booklet is packed, man! There’s so much in it, and I recommend it to anyone, whether you currently feel invincible or like you’re about to lose it. Check it out here.

‘Activate’ in the mornings

I woke up yesterday morning to a song that I’d unwittingly set my alarm to go off to on my new CD player alarm clock. I clearly still don’t know how to work this thing because when the song came on I thought it was the radio, and pressed the snooze button, only to hear the same song come on again ten minutes later. I was a bit curious as to why this was happening so for the first time actually examined the player to see what was going on. It was a CD I was listening to the night before and had left in the player. I didn’t know I could set my alarm to play a CD! Bonus. I now know how to work my alarm clock, but what actually made me smile was the song that came on. It was by a band called Stellar Kart, and the song is called Activate. I’m sure whoever made this CD put that song first specifically to remind people why they are alive in the mornings. Here are the lyrics.

Here's the plan
I think I got it made
Life is easy
When you're sitting in the shade
Not too hot not too cold
I think that's what I'll be

Now I'm nervous
And I've come undone
My head is spinning like the earth
Around the sun
I feel you drawing me away
From my complacency

I think I'm ready to go
Don't stop 'til everybody knows
This is the purpose of my life
This is, the reason I'm alive
Don't have time to wait
Activate, activate

There's a world out there in need
Now is the time for you and me
Before it gets too late
Activate, activate

Make a move
'cause talk is really cheap
You'll never start a revolution
In your sleep
Showing love to everyone is what
It's all about
One by one everyone activate

It’s actually a slightly cheesy song, reminiscent of Relient K (ah, Reliant K), but what a song to be woken up to of a morning! My reason for living is to share the love of Jesus to this world in need, not to study, earn money or do any of those things I think are so very important in life. I think I’ll keep this song as my alarm song for a while, well at least until it gets too annoying.

Am I ‘reformed?’

I’ve been looking for churches in the past few weeks, visiting churches all over East London. I have, as a result seen so many different churches with different teaching styles, worship styles, communities. Obviously on a visit one can only see but a glimpse of actual church life, one would have to spend a lot of time in a church to understand the character and balance of church family, and weigh up what they believe will be best for them. I’ve been visiting lots of different churches, as I said and have almost decided (she says tentatively) on the one I’d like to join.

This is the first time I’ve really weighed up what I want to find in a church, feeling the first breath of independence after Relay’s information, and after making snap decisions on what I like in church over the years. Thank God, He has been gracious. The question I’d like to address in my mind is whether I am what one would call ‘Reformed’. I definitely shy away from putting labels on myself, I believe uninformed labeling in Christian circles is highly prejudiced, almost akin to something as bad as racial prejudice, because it serves sometimes more to place divisions on God’s people than to draw them together. On the other hand I do believe that one should know what it is one believes about the God he/she serves – with a clear knowledge that one cannot know everything but what He chooses to reveal – Romans 11:33-36.

Having been through university Christian Unions I think I would define myself as a Calvinist (a very basic description of this is someone who believes in God’s power and sovereignty over all things), but not sure on how many points I would agree, probably because I haven’t studied them thoroughly enough (former Relay worker hangs her head in shame). Theology is an interesting thing. It really changes a person’s point of view on church and Christianity; it has forced me to think so much on things I would have been totally uninformed on otherwise. I don’t want to think so much that I lose the capacity to love though. It’s something that is really being lost in our cold world, and I really don’t want to become unfeeling, and find myself incapable to relate to other Christian friends simply because I don’t agree on the same theological intricacies as they. Lord, teach me to love my brothers and sisters, to be the light of Christ in this dark world!

Romans 11: 33-36

“Have you ever come on anything quite like this extravagant generosity of God, this deep, deep wisdom? It's way over our heads. We'll never figure it out. Is there anyone around who can explain God? Anyone smart enough to tell him what to do? Anyone who has done him such a huge favour that God has to ask his advice? Everything comes from him; Everything happens through him; Everything ends up in him. Always glory! Always praise! Amen!”

The mandatory girly thoughts

So here are my thoughts on the opposite sex.

I don’t get them.

But I would like to marry one of them at some point.

Now, it would seem that I’d maybe understand boys, growing up pretty closely with two brothers, but speaking as a twenty-something long term singleton, I think we should just leave them to whatever goes on in their interesting minds.

People thought it was weird when I did Relay (http://uccf.relay.org/relay) that boys and girls on the scheme were not allowed to go out with one another. I was pretty happy with that, not wanting the possible prospect of the drama of relationships to interfere with the good work we were doing together for Christ. So I managed to stave those thoughts (marriage, children etc) for another year. Well kinda.

So my question today I think is simply the age-old, ‘Why is all of that stuff just so confusing?’ I think my reaction when faced with an ambiguous situation with a dude is just to shrug my shoulders and go ‘Ah well.’ But I wonder if I’m too passive about these things. Probably.

By the way, just to make the point that these thoughts are not stemming from an overflow of emotional tension concerning one of those people I’ve just been chatting about. For once.

Promises

Do not fear, I am with you.

Do not be dismayed, I am your God.

I will strengthen you, I will help you.

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

Even if I walk through the deepest darkness,

I will not be afraid, Lord, for you are with me.

Psalm 23:4

The Lord himself will lead you and be with you.

He will not fail you or abandon you.

So do not lose courage or be afraid.

Deuteronomy 31:8

God has said: I will never leave you, I will never abandon you.

Hebrews 13:5

Lessons learned from the Olympics

So I loved the Olympic Games whilst it was on. I watched particularly the 2nd week pretty religiously, as the only sport I really love is the athletics, probably because there aren't any complex rules; athletes literally running in straight lines, throwing things, jumping, using uncomplicated poles to jump etc.

One athlete that really stood out for me was Christine Ohuruogu. This could possibly be because my mum has been saying "Oh, she's your age" all through the run-up to the games, as parents tend to do. So she stood out in my mind before running the 400m finals at the birds nest thing on Tuesday.

What impressed me was how she ran 'her own race' as Michael Johnson said. She was not at all phased by the other athletes, particularly Sanya Richards, the favourite from USA who ran an uneven race to say the least. She really paced herself, and even looked as though she was going to be fourth until the last 50 metres.

I've got that amazing image in my mind even now as I write, reminding me about this Christian race I'm in. When tempted to compare myself to other Christians, or to other people in general thinking about how successful or accomplished they are over me, I have to remember that the race that I'm in is not to be run in my own strength, comparing myself to the other 'athletes' around me. There are many bible verses in the New Testament that speak of the Christian life as a race. I think my favourite though, and probably the most challenging to me, is the one in Hebrews 12:1-3 which follows on from *a list of excellent people of faith who ran their life races believing and trusting in God.

The writer says:

1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a *great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Jesus had a real focus from day one of his ministry. He knew he was going to suffer, but he had an even greater view of the reward that stood for him after the suffering, that being that He would be the one by whom salvation from sin’s consequences is purchased;

that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father. – Philippians 2:10-11.

The great news for me is that I don’t need to follow this example to the T. What a weird thing to say huh? But the truth, and the good news is that Jesus is with me helping me to live for him, and to keep running my race. He’s made many promises in His bible assuring me of this. I stumble sometimes/a lot/all the time but He’s helping me to run. What great news!

Everybody should remind themselves of the truth everyday.

So, when I finished that last post (this is my second in one day, loser) I left a little bit displeased with what I'd written. I think in my mind the context is fine, but to some it may appear that I'm in this Christianity malark for what I can get out of it. I assure you that that is not true.

Phil's letter got me thinking about the gospel; that Romans 8 verse she quoted can often be taken out of context, as I said before. But the main heft of the verse is actually the first part,

"He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him graciously give us all things?" - Romans 8:32

I read (some of) a book in the past few months called Disciplines of Grace. The writer taught us how to get the balance right between trusting in God's grace, and not becoming legalistic. I think maybe because I have a short-ish attention span I found it difficult to finish the book (or maybe the book was too heavy for me) but one of the points I really grasped was when the writer said that a way of keeping ourselves from legalism (the act of becoming a 'religious' Christian) is to preach the gospel to ourselves everyday.

What does that mean? I ought to remind myself of this very truth that God tells me over an over again through the Bible, and particularly in the second part of the bible, the New Testament:

"It wasn't so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn't know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It's a wonder God didn't lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah (Saviour).

Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It's God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing."

Ephesians 2:1-10 (The Message version)

I may not think that I am, but I AM really concerned with performance in pleasing God. I love looking good, smelling good (which, for my friends' sake is a good thing), sounding good, even writing the right things in this blog of mine. But I could never please God with this performance based mentality. God didn't save my soul because I got great grades in school. He saved me from my sin and the consequences thereof (eternal suffering away from any good things, because they ALL come from Him) because He is...how does the Bible put it...he has immense mercy and incredible love!

See, all people were created to know God, and to live under His perfect rule. Our sin tore us away from God, and we see the consequences in our lives everyday. But God has made a way for all people to know Him, through Jesus Christ, who wasn't just a good man, but was GOD and lived on earth to die, paying the price for all humanity's sin. He offers eternal life (life like this, only infinitely better) to all who believe in Him, and hold on to him through this stormy life.

I have to learn to remind myself of this truth everyday, because it speaks to, and beyond all my struggles. Like feeling I need to do more to succeed: I should know from experience that He has done so much in saving my soul, and in literally saving my life and sustaining me thus far.

I have a lot to learn.

Everybody should write letters!

I received a lovely card from my friend Phil today. She totally encouraged me, after reading my last moany post with this verse:

"He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him graciously give us all things?" - Romans 8:32

And as I type I'm remembering verses that remind me of God's provision such as Matthew 7:7-11 when Jesus says:

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

So, if we humans who are blatantly sinful love our kids/family and want to give them everything, how much more will my Perfect Father give me good gifts when I ask? Now i'm not naive, I know God isn't like some indulgent dad, who gives me stuff just to stop me throwing tantrums. But I need to remember to look back on my life, on the amazing things He's done, the miracles He's provided for myself and my defenseless family, and oughtn't I to praise and trust him for what he has done and will do?! Why do I find that so hard?!

Like I said before anyway everybody should write letters. It makes me hapy gettig non-bill related post! Also received a thank you card from Julia and Jonathan, and it was like "Aw!" Actually increased my dopamine levels.

Difficult days...

I'm really struggling to trust God at the moment. I'm going through the days, these unstructured days, as I search for work, just very morosely and unaffected by life. I am watching more TV than I've watched ever before, and I know that's not healthy for me. I'm spending an endless amount of time on Facebook too, looking at...pretty much nothing.

I know I should spend these days getting to know God more, through his word. These quiet days are especially useful for that. But it's funny, when I don't have much to worry about (other than finding work, of course, and alleviating myself and my family from the struggle we've been through since we moved to this country) I just sit around extremely uselessly, wasting all my talents. Jumping from TV to PC is my speciality, in a relentless search for something to do. I fear I'm not being very productive in the way I search for work either, as I constantly distract myself. I hope this doesn't become like my bid to lose weight; something I'm determined to do, running to the gym once/twice a day, yet eating snacks in between that don't affect nothing.

I still haven't found a church yet either. I visited one in West Ham last Sunday, and it was unstimulating, to say the least. I think I may have to stick to the one I've been to over the past few weeks. This is a slow process, finding a church. I like the one I've been visiting, with its brilliant teaching, and really great worship style. I'm not too sure about the community of the church though. It's in East London, and that part of the world is not often conducive to close-knit communities like one would have in, say the Midlands. It's extremely frustrating entering a church and not receiving at least a friendly welcome. Other than the church leader, I don't think I've interacted very much with anybody, and I'm an interactive person! Sigh, gotta keep working though. And trusting God.

A good day

I've had a really good day so far, and just thought I'd blog it. God has been so good to me in my current state of post-university, post-relay unemployment. He really has. Days have been up and down, but I'm really thankful for how He's provided me with things to do, and given me a few leads on jobs. I'd like to bottle up this moment, as I sit here in my living room with the sunshine streaming through the windows (a feast of happy hormones!). Slight glipmse of heaven maybe. A tiny tiny tiny foretaste of heaven. :)

My hope is found...

Hello!

Inspired by some lovely friends, and a need to keep on top of my thoughts, rather than spending endless amounts of time on social networking websites i have decided to creat a blog. I know I want to etch my thoughts on this online diary but mostly I want to encourage myself. I want to remember the goodness of my God to me, and never forget it. It seems the internet is a great place to do this, because I'll never lose this blog like I would a paper diary. On the other hand, anybody can see this blog so I'd better be careful what I write eh? Well, I'm known for speaking my mind. We'll see if this happens...

"In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song"

This song explains where the title for my blog came about. Jesus Christ. He's my only hope and foundation in a world where love seems to be fleeting, hope dying and even friendships restraining. I don't know how I would have been able to get through my life without my God. I learned a new verse from the bible yesterday:

"HE is my loving ally, my tower of safety, my rescuer.
HE is my shield , I take refuge in Him!" - Psalm 144:2

Sometimes it takes a while before I fully get things, dunno if you know what I mean? I have to read things over again until I get them. But I read this once and was filled with hope. What other God promises that and keeps His promise? I really know what it feels like to need a rescuer and shield and I'm sure I'm not the only one. What GOOD NEWS to be reminded of this truth.

Hopefully I can take this into the rest of this week, as I'll be facing some pretty challenging situations in a few days. I need to trust that God's got everything in control as I embark on a new path in life. Remember remember remember!