Undergoing discipline

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
- Hebrews 12:11

I think God is disciplining me.

And in all the hurt and the pain of discipline, I'm seeing my sin; all those parts of me that I would rather hide, the sin that I'd rather not acknowledge.

It's not fun.

So first I have been having problems at work. I'm being reminded about spiritual warfare, and that I should not get lax in my prayer life, which I am very prone to. I've also had some problems in my personal life, which have brought out the worst in me. I never knew myself to be so moany and complainy and morose. And unloving towards people. It's reminded me how prone I am to rejoicing in my circumstances, rather than in God. And how much I need God's strength to love people.

A few days ago though, as part of my (rather hurried) devotions I read Hebrews 12:11.
No discipline is pleasant, and this experience really isn't, but it's creating a harvest of righteousness - living according to God's standard, intolerance of sin in my life, wth practical things like getting to work early, being proactive, loving people well, not being moulded into the world's opinions, suffering for Christ's glory!

Righteousness is a peaceful fruit. Oh, to have peace, and know the real meaning of it! Peace that surpasses my mood and my feelings. Peace that walks in hand with joy. I'm ready to learn, and to be used.